First of all, I'm a whale. Ugh. I'm so much better when I'm skinny. I feel better about myself, and look so much better. Its beyond disgusting. So I'm going to do everything that I can to make it happen asap. Oh good thing that honestly does work, vinegar. I have shots threw out the day and it suppresses your appetite and can eat away at your food, causing you to be thin! Is it healthy? Haha is there anything I do healthy?

I just feel so lost. Out of place. If I did 'leave' the only person it would greatly effect is my mom, and I love her so much. Although, people do get over people. I like per fer to be alone, this is going to sound depressing.. But like, no one can hurt me when I'm by myself. They cant get sick of me, want to change me, dislike anything about me, and cheat on me. No one can be satisfied forever. There's always going to be better or just 'need a change' also, its just all what I know. Dad cheats, every guy that Jodi and myself has cheated.

I would like to just get a job that I love, work out, watch movies and sleep. Not really a life though hey? I should feel lucky to have things I have and just everything! I would trade it for someone though, like a child in the hospital dying, I would like them I live their live and enjoy it and rather have me there.

It would be nice to enjoy myself, eat anything and not worry about it, or as much. Feel good about myself, like think I'm attractive. Just to let loose and he happy. I would like for someone to think I'm perfect just the way I am and just see me the same always. That's my dream world, its never going to happen.

I'm just really confused of what to do, and just what I'm doing. Oh yeah, I also have to lend mom and dad money, quite a bit, I gave them $1000 before, I wont get it back. I gave my two weeks on top of it, I'm just like mess.