I did really good today.
-couple bites of toast.
-Veggie cup from 7 eleven.. you know with the broccoli, celery, but I don't eat the carrots, its full of sugar, and sugar turns into fat and that's what I don't need...
-Special K

:)

That dog bit me again today. I really dislike him now. I don't know why animals reject me!

I didn't do a work out today, I was sore from yesterday, and didn't want to pull that thing in my foot, and I did alot at work today. I beat everyone by 300 lines. I know I'm amazing. Ha ha

Well I don't really have that much else.. Thanks for reading!

I applied or... inquired about a job in Kelowna today. Im really excitied and nervouse, it would be perfect!

I also ran my furthest today!! 19.5 miles. It took me almost 3 hours, but it was amazing, I feel really good about it!

This morning I ate alot.
Popcorn, an orange and special K. Ugh Its sooooo good!
However. We had an accident with that.
Then after my run I had a bowl of soup.

I have a problem with my Prozac... I don't really wan to tell anyone because they will take it away!! I went threw 90 tablets in 9 days. I know. Ugh. But its making me really happy! I don't see what the negative is about it!

Honestly I'm expecting to die from this. I know how sick I was when I was 90 pounds, but it seems worth it to me. Your heart can go too from throwing up and working out too much. Which I totally do both. I know this sounds sick but if I did die from this I think it would be alright. Its my obsession. Something that Ive had for years. I'm scared to get old. I need to love myself and that's how I will love myself is being that small. So I don't really even want help for this. I don't even have a purpose here. I'm just here.

ok! i think I depressed everyone enough, so sorry, Its just really what goes in my head. Thanks so much for reading!

Ok. Woke up. Went got my hair done, It looks totally amazing!!! I'm sooo happy with it. I just have this pimple thing on my forehead that I really dislike, mom says you cant see it but I know you can. And just need to loose like 10-15 pounds and I would be perfect!
Popcorn
2 Oranges
blow of Soup
...and we had special k and had an accident with that. But really when you throw up you loose more weight than not eating. I don't know how or why but yes. Its wild.

I'm feeling more happier again. Ive been talking to Devin again, Ive been crazy busy lately and haven't had much time, and plus I don't ever want to like bother him with texting.. I really hope your not reading this.

He is amazing though. He makes me feel good. Like this is odd. When I was with him I didn't really care about the calories and exercise.. I was still pretty healthy though. Other people make me feel bad. And talking to him again makes me just want to be healthy and not concern more with wight. He is just fantastic. Who ever ends up with him really hit the jack pot there! I don't want to mess him up so I'm hoping its not me and but I am since he just makes me comfortable like with everything. He doesn't judge, he listens, gives awesome advice, hes SO funny to when he opens up. He just makes me smile. Hes like everything a girl wants. I know it sounds too good to be true.. it still feels that way. Haha. Created the perfect male.

I was going to see public enemy tonight but it was all sold out. My brother said it was slow and wasn't that good. We have totally different tastes in well pretty much everything so I'm thinking I will like it.

I also bought vodka today. I was really planning on drinking it. I was even going to open it up right there and then and just had a 'swig' of it! I know its pretty weird to have that feeling. Then also in my head its like for one shot its 100 calories, I could have something else for that much!! I think 100 is alot, I don't dare to eat anything over 120. Ugh if I ever weighed 120.. I don't know what I would do!!

Ohhh they just change my church sign yesterday! It was 'The purpose of life, is a like of purpose" That really upset me since I don't have a purpose!! It just totally depressed me when I seen it. Ive been trying to find one ever since. I will let you know when I find one. The new sign is "From our weakness, we can get strength." How does that translate in my head? Well eating would be mine right? So me not eating I'm showing my strength. Yes? Haha I know. Its funny but then its not.

I had some quality time with my brother today, It was pretty enjoyable. Usually hes just always complaining or yelling. We haven't hung out forever. I'm looking forward to do it again!

Ok well I think I have bored enough people by now. Thanks for reading!

You know you have a problem if you need to go running at like 10:30

Morning-run
Work
Lunch-Soup.. 100 calories
Back to work
Gym
Movie-orange 70 calories
Run.

haha yeah.. I cant help it.

Ohh that movie! SOOO CUTE! I loved it! It makes me happy.

I get my hair done tomorrow, I'm really excited about that. I don't like my imperfections.
I know I worry about things that really shouldn't matter but I don't know how to stop.

I ate over at a friends house the other day, and he told me I like ate too much. Hes being really hard on my about my weight. Like from 90 pounds to 107. That is a lot. I hate it but then I like it. It motivates me. oh and I didn't even take that much at all. I like had not even half my plate full. I feel bad about it. I feel sooo good on my Prozac. They don't want me to take more than 30mg. I take at least 80mg. This sounds so bad but I honestly don't even know how much I take in a day. I just pop them. I have noticed that my heart rate is going down. Getting less obese maybe? Well no I'm concerned but then I'm not, because look at Michael Jackson.. He like totally overdosed. I'm not too worried about it though, If it happens it happens. I would rather be like how I am than totally miserable and extremely over weight. I started running in the mornings too. My mom asked me why I was running then too. I didn't answer but in my head it was like "Because look at me! This is gross! Obese!"

Special k, totally easy to throw up and its sooo good! I wake up early to go for my run, only went for an hour though. Then went straight into the shower and threw up. Its so addicting its like ok just one more dosage of it coming up and its like ok one more! I don't like fainting from it though and it really does make me feel good after. Ugh. Prozac was supposed to help me. But its like increasing this. It doesn't make me hungry and I get happy and have energy. I feel like I can do anything, But it dosent make you high.. Noooo just super duper happy!

I stayed in tonight to watch Confessions of a shopaholic. I didn't know if I wanted to see it or not, but now I really do, I hope its really good. Haha I have high expectation's. I have everything bad, High expectation's, perfectionism.. ugh. ok movie time! I will update after! Thanks for reading

Its been a while! Soo sorry! Ok. Update! I miss my Roo soooooo much its crazy! The knew dog skip, already bit me, and doesn't like me. I still hate being at work. They are just so rude. The weight?... well I'm down to 107. I'm just disgusting. Prozac doesn't make you hungry though. I don't even know how many I take in a day. No hunger, makes me happy, gives me energy. I don't see any down side to it. Well you can over dose, but I'm not too worried. Ive been insanely tired. but Its good, I don't have the energy to eat! But then I cant work out as long. Its all complicated. Yeah, I will totally write more tomorrow though! Thanks for stopping by

I feel so lost.