I just keep on failing at this. I fail at everything.
I just don't know what the point is of everything.. Like as in for people falling in love? You are just going to get hurt, either cheating, 'falling out of love' or someone of you are going to die. It effects you greatly. Like with Yuri and my Roo, I don't think it was worth this pain. I would have rather not experienced it. I know that isn't right but really, if I keep on the same schedule in good. Work, workout, computer, try not to eat and then sleep. I get so upset when I miss a workout anyways, Its like the only thing that really matters. I wish I could just trade with someone, like a child in the hospital. Where they don't think its fair and they thought about everything they could do with their life. I don't have the self esteem or just satisfaction from myself. I just expect alot.

"'Good enough' may be good enough for other people, but it's never good enough for me."


like to feel anything. Like I I go that from someones blog. It's like totally exactly 120 percent of how I think. I really don't want to be mad, sad, not even like totally happy. I don't want to be happy and not have the happiness again. Ive already had that. Its depressing.

Some days I do go by with not even really remembering my full day. Its like it didn't happen, Its like I'm numb. I like that feeling alot. I try to get that everyday. Its better when I take the Prozac and merida.

I just want to be skinny. Perfect.

No do you know what would be the best thing? Ok I love to help people so if I got skinny, and really skinny and died young from this and it would show other people what happens and not to live their life like it would just be amazingly awesome and wonderful. I just don't like to feel sick, but I would rather be sick and skinny then fat and healthy.

I like to be alone. I per fer it.