Well. Someone can't keep up with their blog. Why even have one if you cant keep up. Ugh. Sorry.
Ive been not to good lately. Ive been sleeping soo much its sick. Ive been soo tired. I know what your thinking 'my eating' But it sure isn't. Ive gone like weeks without eating anything. And even doing more exercise. I didn't go to work today. I mentally just cant take it. I don't know whats wrong with those people. I'm just there to work. You know since I'm the supervisor, I have to deal with everything, and I cant do anything right. Its really hard and frustrating. I put my skinny jeans on this morning. It looks like I'm pregnant. Its really disgusting. I even actually feel like I'm going to throw up this very minute. I had some of my homemade soup this morning, and ever since Ive been eating it Ive been throwing it up on the account that I take birth control and just last month I got my period. So that does that mean when you get you period that you haven't gotten for more than a year! Your overweight. Well overweight in my world. To myself. I'm sure other people that are thin get their period. But its like failing to me. I just want to cry, scream, die. Being fat is just the worst feeling in the world. Its like failing, being rejected! I don't understand how some people just don't care!!! Or how people don't think of calories every single time they put something in their mouth! I have to stop throwing up though. My birth control might not work as good, so meaning that I could get my period. I started with coffee. I sure never drank it before because my sense of smell heightens when I don't eat. Caffeine and smoking, those smells can literally not kidding, can make me throw up right then and there. But I'm tyring it since, it can suppress your appetite and it has very few calories in it, well if you make it. When I went to BC, my lovely boy I enjoy loved french vanilla coffee, so I got one too. I sure didn't know the calories in there but I was thinking it was about 150. When I got home I went on caloriecount.com very good site. And its 250 calories. For a drink!!! I would totally eat like a sandwich for that! Lets just think about this. How the world is trying to make you fat. Ok so, you go to Tim Horton's for lunch. You get a coffee and a sandwich. Pretty much anything you get out is going to be 300 calories. Weather its Dairy Queen, Mc Donald's, even Subway. So if your going to eat out it might as well be something that your super going to like rather than getting something a 'little healthier' anyways! I'm so sorry I always go off everywhere. You get a drink, sandwich, then lets say a donut or a date for dessert. Coffee-250 Sandwich-300 Dessert-200. That's a whooping 750 calories right there!! That is like pretty much half of what your normal intake for the day is just going to Tim Horten's for lunch! Never mind the amount of fat, sugar and carbs. Ugh. Its stressful.

Ok so that's just with my food. I also have to really find what I'm going to do with my life. I cant be at Patterson Dental my whole life, sure its good pay, but I'm really really not happy there and I get so tired that I cant even have life outside of it. Plus I just put everything I can into it. I know that's good and bad. Work should be left at work. But really if I'm going to do something, I'm going to try my best at or don't even do it. Failing seems to be a really big thing with me hey? Thank you blog for letting me know that. Haha, Oh dear I'm crazy.

way, Or I get like caring but then I can be over to much caring where its like That's totally why I don't want a relationship. They would leave me because I'm not the best. And don't say no because everyone that I have like ever known has cheated. There's so much more better than me. Everything. Like ok. Lets 1st start with the personality. I have like, well. I'm not the best explainer. But I have like OCD. I need a routine. I need things to be a certainanxiety. No one likes that. Then I'm not the smartest. There for I wont ever have a decent really good job. Ok so the upside of that is men like to make more money than women. But then everything thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Ok. So then drinking. I'm not for it. Its stupid. 1. It kills brain cells. 2. Brings your immune system down. 3. Causes wrinkles. 4. Makes you gain weight on the account there is alot of sugar or if you drink beer, carbs turn into sugar. 4. Both my uncles were killed from drinking. 5. So many people regret things they did while drinking. I think if you cant have a good time without it then yeah, you get what I'm saying. Alright. So there's that, I'm not wild, People try to like hide drinking from me or things they think I wont approve of. You know what though, that sort of makes me feel good that someone would care about what I would think but then not so good that they think they need to hide it from me. Then there's the looks. I'm not the prettiest. The tallest, the thinnest, the cutest. I really have like no good physical features about me. My belly, my legs, you would not imagine what they look like, from all my working out its crazy what I look like and its not fair! I could and have cried over this, I'm not being dramatic but for those who knows the feeling you understand. I need make up. Sure it might look like I wear alot but you know the saying, the person who wears the most, needs it the most. Like the only good quality about me is that I'm ok. Or that when I'm there for someone, I'm completely there.

I know being thin or to the point where I think I look perfect isn't going to fix everything. But at least I would be satisfied with how I look and perhaps then someone could also be too. Weight and looks is everything in this world. I pretty much always has been. No matter how much we w would like for it not to be. Its going to be there. Even If your celebrating your 30th anniversary with your lover. Hes going to be looking at that person 30 years younger than him.

Ohh Here is my soup if your wondering. My dad was telling my mom that I'm looking too thin and I shouldn't be eating. But also keep in mind it goes in the comes back up in the mornings, other than that I have it at night. And I'm not too thin, This is like the biggest I have been in a long time.
-Bite size celery, bell peppers, cut green beans, diced tomatoes, xoxo cube. and then kidney beans for the fiber and protein, to fill you up. But put twice as much celery, green beans and bell peppers since they really don't have any calories. :)