Saturday, April 4th 2009

Threw out the night had two nightmares again. Lovely, Worst sleep ever.

Woke up later than I usually do on a Saturday. Raced to get ready so I wouldn't miss the movie.
The frozen yogurt machine was working, I was thrilled. Now all I hoped was they had the non-fat, no sugar added kind, 90 calories. Last time they sure didn't have it. I had to get the Non-fat frozen yogurt, 110 calories. I was honestly considering if I really needed it that day but it was 8:00pm and still didn't intake anything, and I don't have it too often.

The movie was depressing, I haven't seen a happy, good movie for 2 months now. They were having arm wrestling competitions at the mall today, I needed to go see it, it was already 3:30pm. The gym closed at 6. I'm usually there at last by 2:30-6 on Saturdays. I was getting upset since I wouldn't be able to burn off my calories. I did though walked around the mall and in took only 90 calories so far. I'm so glad I didn't get that second one I was thinking of getting, then it would have been 180 calories with no fat, or sugar though. But then when I intake that much I think about what I could have eaten. Like a sandwich but then there would have been the fat and the carbs.

I made it at the gym. My brace was not working too well, I was going to just rip it off, but my knee has been hurting so much. Ok. 30 minutes, I need to be at 420 calories. I failed. 400 I was only at. The hour was up for it and I was only at 950 calories. I need to break 1000 one day. Rest. Keep on going. 150 more. 1100 calories. Failed. I need to burn 1200 plus weight. Did some abs and did some arms. The whole time I was on my cardio I was thinking what to eat. I need to put calories in to strengthen it and not have my body take my calories from somewhere else. Not like that's what happened to my knee..

Going to save-on-foods. What am I going to have for dinner. I should maybe have at least 400 calories. With protein and little helping of carbs. Not alot of fat. A sandwich. Escargo. Lean cuisine. Make some chicken with veggies. Nope. Got my 70 calorie an orange(s) and I have popcorn at home.

I had good intentions. I don't even feel good about in taking that. Oranges have natural sugar, and if I had two I could have had something else for 150 calories, that could be like a breast and a half of chicken, with protein in it but then the fat, and it just feels like alot. Then the popcorn. Air popped, and nothing on it, high in fiber, low in calories, but then there's the carbs and no protein. But I feel I can intake it and not gain any weight. I can't intake alot. Or it gets rejected, and not on purpose.

Watched 7 pounds this evening. It was also depressing. Enchanted for sure tomorrow. My mom hasn't taken her pills for a while, and I have to take over at work for the next two weeks, opening and closing. Its not going to be enjoyable, oh and on top of that, I have to train. At least I wont really have time to eat anything. I feel so disgusting. I want no fat on me. I don't understand how some people can just not care about working out and everything they eat. I don't intake drinks that have calories in them. And I even watch what gum I chew. No sugar added and it has to be 3 calories.

Yes. Summer is going to be here soon and I'm a whale. I seen some cute skirts in the mall today. I wanted it. But I couldn't wear it with my legs. Not like this. I feel like I in took alot today, I could have done better. Tomorrow I need to go to the gym for much longer but have alot to do also.. I shouldn't have went to that movie. Oh well, I know for next time. And I cant reject my food right now since I'm the only one at work that can do what needs to be done, so just in case I get sick again. Well its late and I wont be in taking anything else..like I need it, wouldn't need it for about at least 3 days I'm thinking.

Tomorrow the goal is weights for an hour, intake 200 calories and burn 1250-1300. At the gym. Doing work at home doesn't count. Good evening!