Oh my gosh. You totally let yourself go fat ass. Thanks to Prozac. Ugh NEVER EVER GO ON THAT AGAIN!!! I'm sooooo depressed. I tried to not look at mirrors and I was just happy eating and having like a really good time. Then when I went off my Prozac it was like oh gosh. What were you thinking. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror.

I did spin class today for the 1st time, it was really fun but mirrors all around you! My fat was giggling, I wanted to cry but it made me go faster. I was in the advance, and I totally kept up. After that I went on the ski glider thingy, did a really hard work out with that and did 600 calories. After that I showered at the gym and the 1st time ever, I threw up in a shower that wasn't at my house. I was totally hoping I would throw up part of my lunch but unfortunately it was only water. I need to see my bones again, I need to be thin. I have to. There is no other.. It just needs to be done.

Just the bad thing is Halloween is near. I'm not going to be able to fit into my costume!! Since you know I just thought I was the way I have been forever. :( I have cried about this intensely. My world is just ending. Jeff wants to see me, but I have to focus on working out. I need to get this disgusting fat off my body. I can feel my roll just siting here. When I look in the mirror naked I can see my fat marks. This is going to sound really really messed up but I want to take a knife and just cut it all off. I know it wouldn't like go away... I know i would be taking a chunk of my body off but its like this need that I want to do.

I know if I keep on obsessing again like how I use to intensely I'm going to loose Jeff. I'm in love with him. He doesn't see the grossness but I sure do, and like how I use to look like, I'm so embarrassed to for him to see that. I'm just like in shock how I did this. Why didn't I stop?
This needs to happen soon. I need to get thin. I need to get perfect. Even at least by the Christmas party. I cant believe he even likes me with all this fat. I don't see how he could. And he is soooo attractive. He can and did get anyone. I know he will leave me if I don't do something. Ugh. Okee I'm extremely tired. I need to sleep

We will all stay skinny if we just don't eat.